Sab Maya(wati) Hai!

On Monday, Mayawati has raised a fresh demand of Rs 556 crores from the supplementary budget of the state for the memorial projects. Not forgetting the state drought, she has asked for an additional sum of Rs 250 crores.

A prominent party functionary has asked behenji to review her demand. In a letter written to Mayawati, he has asked her to merge these 250 crores to 556 crores as the contractors working on these memorial projects are already managing all her statues and a large number of elephants on a shoestring budget. As per him, drought has become yearly phenomenon and there is no solution to it other than waiting for the next year rains. On the other hand, memorial parks and statues will remain there forever, reminding people of the glorious achievement of Behen Mayawati.

Update: The budget is now approved. Mayawati gets Rs 806 crores for memorials. Demand for the budget for drought has been dropped. In a separate letter to the above functionary, she has asked for the meaning of the word ‘shoestring’.

January 2010:
All the pending memorial projects are now complete but in the meantime 258 new memorial projects have been announced and now they are pending. Out of these, 105 are parks with statues of Mayawati, 65 are parks with statues of Mayawati along with Kanshiram, 30 are parks with statues of Mayawati, Kanshiram and B R Ambedkar, 40 are shopping malls with the statue of Mayawati with a designer bag at the entrance and 18 are women’s mega toilets where only dalit women will be allowed. All the parks will bear the name “Mayawati memorial parks” .These will be differentiated from each other only by the colour of the statues. All the malls will be christened as “Mayawati Malls”. These will be differentiated from each other by the brand of the hand bag her statue will hold. Fresh demand for budget has been made to the UP assembly.

July 2012:
All 258 projects are now completed as these were fast tracked and took priority before 27 bridges, 10 dams and electrification of 234 villages. As usual, 315 new projects have been announced. At the last count, UP has
26,512 elephants – 512 in flesh, 26,000 in concrete
6423 Mayawatis – 1 in flesh, 5000 in concrete and rest in bronze
2367 Kanshirams – All concrete
1215 Ambedkars – All concrete

December 2012:
Mayawati has just launched a ‘one of its kind project’. An order has been passed where all road dividers on state highways would be replaced by the statues of elephants. Elephant statues will be erected one behind the other and these will serve as road divider. Party supporters have expressed joy and have demanded “MTV innovative idea of the year award” for her.

May 2013:
Mayawati has made it compulsory for all the citizens of UP to display either an elephant or a Mayawati outside their houses. Citizens need to bear the cost of the statues as the state’s finances are in doldrums. In an unrelated announcement, she has banned the ‘laughing Buddha’. Instead there would be miniature ‘Laughing Kanshiram’ which people can buy from Mayawati stores after paying a ‘voluntary’ undisclosed sum. This money would be used for Mayawati’s birthday party.

April 2020:
Mayawati is serving her 6th term as Chief Minister now. Any influx of people from other city to Noida and Lucknow has been barred as there is severe space crunch in these cities. A recent census shows that the number of elephant statues have outnumbered the number for people below the age of 30 years in the state. In a new directive, Mayawati has declared that any new statues of elephants will be made hollow and big enough to accommodate one family inside it. These will be used to house dalit people who are currently staying in various shanties in slum areas. These shanties will be bulldozed and space for more such hollow elephants will be made. Party supporters have expressed joy and have demanded “MTV innovative idea of the year award” for her for 9th straight year. Fresh demand for the budget for these hollow elephant project has been made to the UP assembly.

Cheers!